Thursday, March 21, 2013

Occupational Hazards

The problem with writing a blog -- if there is a problem with it -- is that writing, especially the kind of writing I do -- generates a sense of intimacy. This isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but it is a thing that needs to be understood. I guess it's a little bit like being famous -- people who don't actually know you feel like they know you.

I don't mind this, as a rule -- mostly because I'm thankful that anyone, ever, reads my blog (seriously, if you're reading this? THANK YOU!) -- and mostly because I feel as though I'm doing something very right if I'm making connections with people and they are enjoying those connections. I think that's the best thing about the internet, actually; the ability to reach beyond the people you know and make connections with the people you don't know and might never get the chance to know.


Sometimes it's just WEIRD.

How weird, you might ask?

1.Number of times I have received serious messages related to my blog that indicate that the person who is writing the message has read my blog and decided that we are soul mates and should be married: 2

2.Number of times I have received rant-y, "I hate you and everything you stand for" messages related to my blog: 2 (So I think the hatred and the marriage proposals cancel each other out. No?)

3.Number of times I have been out in public and someone I don't know has gasped and said: "You! You write that thing on the internet!": 5 (which is impressive since I so rarely go out)

4.Number of Facebook friend requests I've received from people I don't really know, but who read my blog (and who send me messages that say: "You don't know me, but I read your blog"): 15

5.Number of times I have been hanging out with someone who then says, worriedly, "You're not going to blog about this, are you?": 7

6.Number of times I have been hanging out with someone who then says, hopefully, "You're going to put this in your blog, right?": 9

For the record -- I mean, just so it's out there:

1.I'm flighty and all, but I'm very unlikely to marry anyone I've not actually met and/or dated. However, thanks for the love.

2.I'm sorry if anyone reads my words and hates me as a result of them. OH WAIT, NO I'M NOT. If you hate me, why are you reading? WHY BOTHER?

3.This is awesome and surreal. As long as you don't feel compelled to hug me, we're good. (I only hug people I actually know. It's a thing.)

4.I will always accept a friend request from someone who says "I read your blog and I love it." However, if you follow that up shortly thereafter with "DIE LIBERAL SCUM" I will block your ass faster than you can say "Mark Zuckerberg". (Yes, this happened)

5. If you ask me not to blog about something, I won't. I will REALLY want to (mostly because you asked and now I think it's going to be a wicked good story), but I won't. If it's a sensitive topic/issue/whatnot and I want to write about it and you haven't forbidden it, I might ASK you if it's okay, or change the names and identities enough so know one knows it's you. (I'm a writer, y'all. I have skills!)

6. If you ask me to blog about something, I MIGHT blog about it. Specifically, if you suggest a topic, I'll consider it. If you just want to appear in the blog and it's not that interesting, I might mention it. Or not. It depends on where I'm at. However, if we're out and about and you snork some kind of beverage out your nose from giggling? Yeah. I'm probably going to mention that.

I know I've said it a million and twelve times, but I'm about to make it a million and thirteen: to everyone who has ever taken a couple of minutes out of their day to read my silliness: THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

You're the best.  Even if I won't marry you.


  1. Number of people who mentioned you at the Barley Pub last night: at least 3. Maybe more, but I wasn't privy to every conversation in the place all night.

    1. My goodness! (And to think I nearly went to the pub last night -- I should have!)

    2. Yes, it was a very good night at the pub. If you ever ask yourself, "Self, should I go to the pub tonight?" The answer is always yes.

    3. I know ... what could I have been thinking? :)