Friday Randoms

Today’s Friday Randoms come with a disclaimer, which is this: I OVERHEARD a couple of them, so some of these speakers are not actually me (such as Random One. Sorry to disappoint those of you who are hopeful that I’ll shed my crazy cat lady persona for that of a rational person who is engaged in an actual relationship. )

One:

“This is the song that was playing when I realized I was in love with him.”

“Yeah, I like this song too … WAIT HOLD ON REWIND. This is the song blah blah WHAT?”

“Oh. Hahaha. I didn’t mean to say that out LOUD. That was meant only to happen inside my HEAD. Let’s pretend that’s what happened. Man, I LOVE this song! That’s what we’ll decide I just said.”

“Oh. The 'Alternate Reality That Didn’t Just Happen' level of denial.”

“Do we have a deal?”

“Oh sure. At least until the next non-filtered completely whackadoo thing flies out of your mouth.”

Two: 
 I turned on the light in my office and I noticed the switch plate was dirty. I guess that happens – they’re kind of like telephone receivers, right? What with all of the touching – but I’d never thought about it before. Or noticed.

Of course, once I noticed, I couldn’t UNNOTICE. Or leave it alone. Which is how I found myself washing all of the switch plates in the house with Method Pink Grapefruit scented cleaner, so they’d be super clean AND smell nice.

I feel like I might be headed for an intervention here.

Three:

“People are NOT PUPPIES. You can’t RESCUE them.”

“Well, I mean sometimes you can. That’s kind of what firefighters and stuff do, right?”

“First responders, yeah, okay. But not YOU. YOU are not a firefighter.”

“So I can’t be a firefighter now?”

“You are SO easily distracted. It’s like, one minute we’re having a real conversation and the next you’re all ‘Look! Shiny things!’ And then I can’t even remember what I was trying to talk about.”

“Sorry.”

Four:

I had a k-cup blowout this week.

If you don’t have a Keurig, you have not experienced this. If you DO have a Keurig, you may not have experienced this because you probably have better luck than I do. (You also probably don’t buy discounted K-Cups at the Christmas Tree Shop, because you’re smarter than I am.)

If you’d like to experience the joy of a k-cup blow out, here’s what you should do:

1.       Brew coffee

2.       Take the wet coffee grounds out of the coffee pot.

3.       Dump ¾ of the grounds directly into your coffee.

4.       Dump 1/8 of the grounds into your machine.

5.       Dump the remaining 1/8 of the grounds all over your countertop.

6.       Add some water to the grounds on the countertop, so they are joyfully floating about.

THAT is a what a k-cup blowout is like.

SO FUN AT 5:45 IN THE MORNING. Especially when you need the coffee (which is now undrinkable) to be in your system in order to be able to function enough to deal with the mess.

Five:

“See, the thing of it is that there’s NO thing. There’s not a thing. There’s just – I don’t know. Two people who like to drink coffee. That’s all. That’s it. That hardly qualifies as a thing. It’s a Starbucks ad. It’s a coffee commercial. It’s not a thing.”

“It’s a thing.”

“It’s not. That’s like saying that the guy who I pass on the highway all of the time and I have a thing, just because I see him all the time.”

“You should write down his plate number.”

“Which would make me a stalker.  Which IS a thing, but not one I want to be involved with.”