"You know how sometimes someone says something to you and it's just not what you want to hear?"
"Wait. You're not going to tell me what it was?"
"I don't want to."
"You have to. You can't just introduce that and not say."
"Why? You asked me why I seem grumpy, and that was my answer: Sometimes people say things to you and they're not what you want to hear. And the result is mild grumpiness."
"Wait. So. Was it a solicited comment? Because if you ask someone something and they give you an answer and it's not what you want, you can't really be grumpy about it. Because you asked."
"Agreed. Although sometimes the truth does NOT set you free. Sometimes it makes you grouchy. But no. It was not solicited."
"PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT WAS I HAVE TO KNOW."
"Are you kidding me? You know you're going to tell me."
"So I was shopping, doing my thing? And the lady at the register is ringing me up and she cards me. Which, yay, because you know how that is."
"At our age? YES I DO."
"And she looks at the photo, and she looks at me, and she looks at the photo, and then she says --"
"Your license photo is SO BAD."
"GOD. Tell me about it."
"Right, so then she says, 'You've either lost a TON of weight, or that haircut is SUPER flattering, because you look SO MUCH BETTER in person.'"
"Well, I didn't want to tell you."
"It was the way she said it. All snarky, like, 'Your license picture makes you look SO FAT.' You know, it's not flattering, but it's not like Ahab and the crew are hunting me down, you know?"
"It just seemed rude. And mean, in a 'look at me I'm trying to be nice' way. I mean, I make fun of my own photo ALL OF THE TIME but that's DIFFERENT."
"You know you're ... a little oversensitive."
"YES. That's why I didn't want to TELL you. Because it's stupid."
"It's not stupid."
"It IS stupid. And I think that's why I'm grumpy! Not because she said it, but because it made me grumpy."
"It's like the circle of life. Only with CRANKINESS."
"Is everything a Disney movie with you?"
"Hakuna Matata, baby."