Internal Dialogue. With Cat.

Begin Scene

Alarm goes off.

Me: Oh oh.

Brain: What?

Me: I am SICK.

Brain, suspicious: Are you SURE?

Me, trying to breathe, wheezing: Yeah, I’m pretty sure.

Brain, still not buying it: You were sick yesterday.

Me: I KNOW. I had a fever and everything. I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION. Hater.

Brain, put out: Whatever.

Me: I think I have to call in.

Brain: Uh. You did that YESTERDAY.

Me: BECAUSE I’M SICK.

Brain, incredulous: Dude. Really? You work from HOME.

Me, whimpering a little: But I can’t talk. And I feel really bad. And why is it 456811564 degrees in here? It’s so HOT.

Brain: It IS warm. WAIT, don’t distract me. You have to go to work.

Me: But I don’t wannnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Brain: ANNNDD … now you’re whining.

Cat: MEOW. FEED ME.

Brain: Please feed her before she starts chewing on our hair.

Me: Okay. But I’ll have to stand up.

Brain: Yeah?

Me: Are you ready for that?

Brain: Whatever, we do that EVERY DAY – Woooooooaaaaaahhhhh there, Yellie, you lay right back down!

Me: Not feeling so well?

Brain, startled and upset: Everything went all wonky!

Me, sarcastically: Really. I’m SO SURPRISED.

Brain: You’re SICK.

Me: You don’t say.

Brain: We need to figure out a way to feed the cat that doesn’t involve STANDING. And then let work know we’ll be out.

Me: I’ll get right on that.

Brain, relieved: Thank you!

Me: You’re welcome.

Brain: BUT WE’RE GOING TO FEEL BETTER TOMORROW. AND WE’RE GOING TO WORK.

Me: Okay. Bossypants.

Brain: Now please. Let’s figure out this cat thing. Because she’s eating our hair.

Cat: Mrrrwwwpp!

 

End Scene