Alarm goes off.
Me: Oh oh.
Me: I am SICK.
Brain, suspicious: Are you SURE?
Me, trying to breathe, wheezing: Yeah, I’m pretty sure.
Brain, still not buying it: You were sick yesterday.
Me: I KNOW. I had a fever and everything. I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION. Hater.
Brain, put out: Whatever.
Me: I think I have to call in.
Brain: Uh. You did that YESTERDAY.
Me: BECAUSE I’M SICK.
Brain, incredulous: Dude. Really? You work from HOME.
Me, whimpering a little: But I can’t talk. And I feel really bad. And why is it 456811564 degrees in here? It’s so HOT.
Brain: It IS warm. WAIT, don’t distract me. You have to go to work.
Me: But I don’t wannnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Brain: ANNNDD … now you’re whining.
Cat: MEOW. FEED ME.
Brain: Please feed her before she starts chewing on our hair.
Me: Okay. But I’ll have to stand up.
Me: Are you ready for that?
Brain: Whatever, we do that EVERY DAY – Woooooooaaaaaahhhhh there, Yellie, you lay right back down!
Me: Not feeling so well?
Brain, startled and upset: Everything went all wonky!
Me, sarcastically: Really. I’m SO SURPRISED.
Brain: You’re SICK.
Me: You don’t say.
Brain: We need to figure out a way to feed the cat that doesn’t involve STANDING. And then let work know we’ll be out.
Me: I’ll get right on that.
Brain, relieved: Thank you!
Me: You’re welcome.
Brain: BUT WE’RE GOING TO FEEL BETTER TOMORROW. AND WE’RE GOING TO WORK.
Me: Okay. Bossypants.
Brain: Now please. Let’s figure out this cat thing. Because she’s eating our hair.