Monday, January 14, 2013

Hobbit Feet

It's not a secret that I have big feet. Big, wide, ridiculous feet.

This is sad because I love shoes. I LOVE them. But I hate WEARING shoes. Most shoes, anyway. There are some shoes that fit quite well, but they're not super sexy, sassy, fun shoes. They're Chuck Taylors or Birkenstocks. I love my Chucks and my Birks because they're oh so very comfy? But they don't exactly scream "sassy".

Or "professional."

The Birks actually don't scream anything. They kind of ... murmur. And what they're murmuring is this: "Duuuuuuuuude. This is awwwwwweeesssooommmmee." Which is fine, but not with a suit.

And my Chucks?


In the careful words of my mother, who tries not to judge: "Huh. Those aren't the most ... feminine looking ... are they?"

"Not even in pink," I agreed.

But I love them. Even though they emphasize the fact that I have aircraft carrier sized feet hanging out underneath my ankles. I think they're cool. Oh, sure, they don't look good with a dress, per say, but whatever.

It's really hard for me to buy shoes, at any rate. It's always been hard for me to find shoes that I can jam my oversized tootsies into and also walk in. (It's easy to find shoes that look great if I don't have to stand. Or, you know, walk. Or move in any way, really, because OH THE PAIN!)

But I was okay with that. Because I'm used to it.


My mom got me these great fleece socks for Christmas. They're fun colours. They're super soft. They look warm and inviting.

So on a day when my toesies were too cold for nakedness, but too warm for slippers, I thought: "Hey, I'm busting out the new socks."

I tried to put them on.

They didn't fit.

This had never happened to me before. I took the socks and put my hand into them. My HAND fit into the socks.

I tried to put them on again. No go. My foot was too wide to fit through the mouth of the sock.

I felt like a mutant. Like I was one of the X-Men, but my mutation was just really wide feet that had no useful application (you'd think that having planks for feet would mean that I'm extra stable and well balanced. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH wrong) except for rendering me unable to fit into shoes and now, apparently, socks.

It stinks.

But not for Converse, I guess. I saw a sparkly, flashy, FANCY pair of Chucks over the weekend. I think I need to buy them, because this girl needs some dressy shoes, and I'm pretty sure that's as close as I'm going to get.

At least I'll be comfortable?

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