Thursday, January 24, 2013

When Life Hands You Lemons...

1.  Make limoncello. Because it's more fun than lemonade.

2. In your best pirate voice, thank Life for helping to prevent scurvy among your crew. Then find a crew. And a ship. And sail to the Caribbean and open a bar that serves lemony umbrella drinks to tourists and features an in house steel-drum band. License the idea to Jimmy Buffett. Sit back and watch the money rollllll in.

3. Learn to juggle.

4. Play hacky sack. But with lemons.

5. Try the "trade up" route: trade your lemons for something, trade that thing for something else, and so on and so forth until you find that you are now the owner of a professional sports team. When your team wins the big game, stand up at the press conference and announce that you never could have done it without those lemons. Take in the applause.

6. Juice the lemons. Apply liberally to hair. Lay in sun. Streaky!

7. Juice a bunch of the lemons. Put juice in a mug with boiling water, honey, and a shot of whiskey or two. Woooo clear sinuses!

8. Get some googly eyes. Put the eyes on the lemons. Pose the lemons in various places and scenarios. Take photos. Post them on the internet. Become famous as the "googly eyed lemon person" for at least 15 minutes, during which you will have a spot on "Ellen" and get to dance with her.

9. Cut the lemons in half. Stuff into a chicken (the roasting kind, not the live kind. The live kind won't appreciate it and you'll probably have problems with PETA at that point. The roasting kind won't care). Roast chicken. Lemony deliciousness.

10. Make tea. Put lemons in tea. Have a tea party. Speak with British accents and wear fabulous hats because you're ROYALTY, yo.

11. Zest the lemons into a salad dressing. Think about how much you enjoy the word zest. Say it out loud "Zest". Zesty Zest Zest. Have another sip of the drink you made at #7. Realize you're tipsy but, again, with very clear sinuses.

12. Carve faces into the lemons. Make a stop action video with the lemons singing the Lemonheads version of "Mrs. Robinson" and post to youtube. Giggle excessively.

13. Make biscotti because you could use some delicious cookies. Also, realize that the recipes linked to here are all by Giada De Laurentiis.

14. Become a purveyor of lemons of Giada De Laurentiis, because she appears to go through a LOT of them. Open store specializing in lemons and lemon-related items. Start mail order business. Discover there's a weirdly large market for lemons.

15. Think about making a pie. Then remember that you don't like to bake. Offer a baker all of your lemons in exchange for a pie. When the baker agrees, thank him or her politely (your momma raised you to have manners) and then invite your friends over. Eat the pie. Wonder what life might hand you next, and how you can make it work for you. You did pretty well with the lemons, after all.


  1. It must be citrus day in the universe because Design Sponge just had these two citrus-related posts. You're probably just part of a conspiracy being perpetrated on us by the citrus industry. They're probably paying you in lemons, which is why you have so many.

    1. OR is this just a small part of my plan for global media domination. "First, Mr Bond, I captured everyone's attention with PRODUCE. Then, I shall set my sights on meats, then cheeses. No, Mr Bond, I don't expect you to understand ... I expect you to DIE bwah hah haha haha."

      Or it could be a coincidence. But IS it? ;)