Once upon a time, I bought a Keurig Mini.*
I loved that thing. It was glorious. Right up until the day it was like, "So sorry, Ma'am, but I can no longer brew coffee for you. Lalalalalala look I'm a paperweight."
This was not a good thing. Yellie needs coffee. So I bought another one. It, like its predecessor, was red and shiny and made hot, delicious coffee.
Happiness was restored throughout the land.
Last week -- on a morning after I'd gotten about four hours of sleep because I'd been at the emergency vet all night, when I needed my coffee jump start more than usual? The Curse of the Keurig struck again.
Being muzzy headed and exhausted, I did something very similar to what I had done when my first Keurig decided to quit on the job:
I stared at it.
I may have whimpered.
I thunked it with the heel of my hand.
I pressed the brew button again.
The Keurig whined and then ... nothing.
I may have whimpered a few more times and then considered curling into the fetal position.
When my first Keurig gave up the ghost, I worked from home. Lack of coffee was a definite situation, but it wasn't, like, a total emergency. HOWEVER, this time, with four hours of sleep and a fossilized Keurig, I was going to have to DRIVE.
No one, and I mean NO ONE, would want this to happen.
Fortunately, there's an Irving station down the street. Their coffee isn't, you know, terrible. But having to purchase coffee when I knew that I had coffee at my house -- even if it was coffee I couldn't brew -- and having to drive with no coffee in my system?
This made me unhappy.
Two Keurigs in less than two years makes me unhappy.
The one on my counter, which is toast, is still under warranty. I could, in theory, have called the company and demanded a replacement. That's what most people would do, I think.
It's not what I did. Here's why: this product is not working for me. What, am I going to call them every six to eight months after I go through this? How ridiculous is that? SO RIDICULOUS. It's not happening.
Over the weekend, I bought an old school coffee maker. K-cups? I laugh in the face of the k-cup. Bring me filters! Bring me whole bean coffee that I will grind in the privacy of my own home. WITH MY TEETH. (I'm kidding, I have a grinder.)
But mostly? Bring me a coffee maker that WORKS. For the love of all that is holy, I need coffee.
And trust me when I tell you that everyone else on the road -- and everyone else in my office -- wants me to have it.
*I know people who have other Keurig models who have not had my experience. All of these complaints are related directly to my ownership of the Mini.