Friday Randoms

I

"Just picture a blue ocean. Breathe in the calm."

"I can tell you don't know me that well. My default setting isn't zen."

II

"Here's how I can tell she's lost weight: I pick her up and nearly toss her over my shoulder because she's so much lighter than my brain is expecting."

"So. You've been throwing her around like a bean bag?"

"Kinda?"

"Finally, her name makes sense."

III

"It's so weird. Everyone there is nice. And they're stressed out, but they're NICE. They seem to like each other. But they also speak sarcasm and smart-ass fluently."

"It's like the mother ship calling you home."

"Who could have suspected?"

IV

"So there I was, blogging away in the wee hours, when all of a sudden all I could hear was a swarm of vicious, angry, alien bees."

"WHAT?"

"That's what I said. 'WHAT?' And then I got worried, because ... alien bees."

"..."

"Then I looked out the window and saw that the black Jetta that is usually parked outside my window was running and it was the source of the noise. It wasn't angry extraterrestrial stinging insects after all. I felt a lot better."

"... There is something significantly wrong with you."

"Actually, I'm pretty good. But I think there's something wrong with that car. Cars should NOT sound like that."

V

"I was all 'oh I think I did the wrong thing' and then my song came on the radio and I decided that was the universe telling me that I did the right thing and who am I to question?"

"So in your head, 'The Universe' sounds like ..."

"...Freddie Mercury. Sometimes."

"'Bohemian Rhapsody'?"

"'These are the Days of Our Lives'."

"I NEVER hear that on the radio."

"I KNOW! That's how I knew it was the universe! I don't just proclaim this shit willy-nilly."