Friday Randoms

I

"Oh! Thank you! What you said just reminded me that I have to do something!"

"You're welcome."

"That's like the third time today that you've done that."

"It's my superpower. I'm Reminder Girl."

"Mild mannered cubicle worker by day, appointment calendar by night?"

"... something like that."

II

"He just kept telling me to stuff it. 'Stuff your crew. Stuff your job. Stuff your logistics.' So finally, I just started agreeing with him. 'Yes, sir, I will stuff that. Yes sir, I will add that to the list of things I will stuff.' "

"Did it work?"

"Not really, but I thought it was worth a shot."

III

"... and that's when my SECOND Keurig shit the bed."

"Are you giving up on the Keurig?"

"It has ONE JOB: Provide me with coffee so I can function. Since it's not even managing that? I DO think I'm giving it up. It's taking up valuable counter space and for NOTHING."

"But you're not bitter."

"Do I look like I'm not bitter? I AM SO BITTER."

IV

"She's a very pretty kitty."

"Thank you."

"And I bet she's nice... when, you know, she's not at the vet."

"I know this is hard to believe, since she acts like a mountain lion when she's here? But she really is a nice kitty."

"At least she's pretty everywhere?"

V

"Are you losing weight?"

"Yep."

"I can tell."

"It turns out that when you're not self medicating with wine, like, every day? It's way easier to lose weight."

"So THAT'S how you survived that job for so long."

"Yep. Me and Merlot. We were a team."