“You know how sometimes you do something perfectly normal but then you make some kind of emotional leap regarding it and it makes you completely crazy?”
“You mean like how I can’t eat a couple of Twizzlers, but must eat the whole package and then, in a fit of ‘ohmygod I am so fat’ insanity I then go on a crazy, eating everything in the house fit that ends in hooking up with Ben and Jerry?”
“Just like that.”
“Yeah. What set you off?”
“Cheezits.”
“You know you can’t have those in the house. They make you insane.”
“I know. I KNOW. But I keep thinking I can be normal with them. I’m an ADULT. I keep thinking, that surely, this time will be different. THIS time, I can have them in the house without eating a whole box. I CAN.”
“You CAN’T.”
“I KNOW!”
“So let me guess: some sort of tv marathon was involved?”
“Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives.”
“That’s … not even right.”
“I know, everything looks so yummy. So I was hungry. And the Cheezits were CALLING to me.”
“Dude.”
“Seriously.”
“You can’t buy those anymore.”
“I know. And you’re banned from Twizzlers, because I know you only mentioned them because you went crazy on the Twizzler goodness. What started that?”
“Twilight.”
“Twilight. Twizzlers. I see that.”
“First I’m all, why am I even WATCHING this? And then I’m all, they’re all so YOUNG. And then…”
“…Twizzlers.”
“Yep.”
“I hear ya.”
“We need to stop the insanity.”
“But how?”
“Well, grasshopper … I actually have NO idea.”
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