Seriously, y’all, sometimes I think the ‘verse is just MESSING with me.
Because I just barely manage to cling by my fingernails to the edge of my zen – ZENNNNN I AM CALLLMMMM EVERYTHING’S GOOOOOODDDDD – and then I read something like this:
“A thoughtful, sensitive male Wisconsin legislator has proclaimed that he is against divorce under all circumstances — even spousal abuse. And he's got a message to all those ladies out there getting the shit beaten out of them by their husbands: remember the good times, back before things took an abusive turn, and maybe you'll fall in love again. There, isn't that better? Now, chin up, and go back out into that awful marriage of yours like a champ.” (The entire article? It’s here: http://jezebel.com/5893244/lawmaker-suggests-beaten-ladies-remember-the-good-times)
And of course, that’s about when I lose my mind.
I actually keep re-starting this paragraph, because my ability to be articulate about this particular topic is greatly impacted by my immediate emotional response. So instead of trying to say something, let me paint you a picture:
Imagine, if you will, being in your car, driving to your house, and knowing that somewhere, at some point in your day, you did something wrong. Maybe you were joking with a co-worker of the opposite sex, maybe you dared to use the shared debit card to put gas in your car or get lunch, maybe you have the wrong outfit on or the house isn’t clean enough or you planned to make the wrong thing for dinner. Maybe it’s not even something you did – maybe it’s something that your partner imagined that you did, or – EXTRA FUN – it’s something s/he DREAMED you did and needs to punish you for in real life, because apparently YOU are responsible for the things that happened in his/her subconscious. Imagine going through this every day. Imagine living every day in a world where your home is not a haven, it’s just a place where you are emotionally and physically held hostage every time you return. Where you can’t speak your mind. Where you’re not allowed to have friends or go out or make plans. Where you’re not allowed access to your own paychecks “for your own good” and where nothing you do is ever right or good enough and your attitude is continually corrected or, as your partner says “adjusted”.
Now imagine finding the strength to tell someone. And then having that someone tell you that you just need to be stronger and remember the good times -- you know, the times when you were treated like a king or a queen, so that you’d get lured INTO this situation. The time when your emotions were being manipulated by a champ so you’d enter into a relationship that would eventually close around you like a box you couldn’t escape. That was AWESOME! So the next time you’re being used as a physical and emotional punching bag, you hold on to THAT.
Okay. Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system… There’s been a lot of really extreme legislation and political expression lately, and I haven’t responded to it all here because I’m not really a political blogger (just, you know, sometimes) but it seems like, in the interest of achieving some sort of "nirvana" that clings desperately to an ideal that not everyone shares, values which are of a particular religious bent, and a reality which very few people I know actually live in, punishing laws and dangerously narrow views are being tossed around in an effort to make us “better” people. You know, the kind who don’t need or use contraception, because none of us are having sex and we ALLLLL want to have children. Lots of them. And the kind who don’t get divorced, even though our partners may or may not kill us just for the hell of it. And if we DO stay with that partner, we’d best plan on having children, because even in committed relationships, contraception is WRONG, right?
(Pardon me, as I pause to whack my head against my desk in frustration.)
Look, I don’t understand a lot of things, but I especially don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s okay to abuse another human being … or why some ridiculous, moralizing JACKASS would tell someone who’s being abused that it’s her or his job just to suck it up and deal.
Because, friends, if you are being abused, it is NOT your moral obligation to stay.
You NEED to leave. You NEED to get help. And you NEED to know that your life and your body belong to you and no one, ever, is allowed to make you feel as though they do not.
EVER.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to trade this soapbox for some zen.
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