Diane Myers, You're My Hero

A few days ago, a friend asked me for some advice. I feel uniquely ill-suited for giving advice, as I am merely bumbling my way through existence, but I tried to offer something useful.

It did get me thinking about advice, though, and the best piece of advice I have ever received, though I don't think I really appreciated it at the time, or truly understood it.

I was standing in the halls of an old high school -- my first year teaching -- and talking to the wonderful, the amazing, the brilliant Diane Myers (a complete rock star of a teacher) and we were discussing (for reasons I cannot recall) relationships. And that was when she said this: "A relationship should make your life better, somehow. It should make it richer, it should add something positive. If it doesn't... then it's not worth it."

I believe I agreed with her, and then went on to torment myself -- and, well, most of the people I knew --by getting into relationships that most definitely did NOT make my life better or richer in ANY way. (To be fair to me, I was young. And, you know, really stupid.)

As I get older and (one hopes) wiser, I realized this: Diane was COMPLETELY right. (She usually is, but this time I was slow to catch on).

However, it occurs to me now that, though we were talking about romantic relationships at the time, her statement could -- and probably should -- be applied much more globally. Any relationship in life -- in order to be qualified as a good one -- should make it better. (This is not to say that there won't be periodic difficulites or days when "What the HELL?" is the question you ask yourself repeatedly, or moments of intense stress -- there will be, unless your life is somehow a romantic comedy -- if it is, good for you and can I have some of what YOU'RE on, because, really?) ANY relationship. Friendships. Romantic relationships. Relationships with things -- food, money, whatever -- they should serve you in a positive and not a negative way... and if they don't?

If they don't, you need to let them go. Even if it's painful. Even if it's hard. Even though maybe you don't want to because change can be frightening and difficult.

I can only hope that my advice to my friend was as good as the advice Diane gave me. (I'm pretty sure it wasn't, but I tried.)

Thank again, Mrs. Myers ... you're still the best ever.