Monday, January 31, 2011

Whatever and Ever, Amen*

In theory, I like Mondays. I like the idea of a clean start in a new week, the way possibilities stretch out before me. In a glass is half full world, Mondays are shiny and bright, full of glowing amber liquid that is likely to make you smarter, stronger, and happier. They're festive.

In theory.

In reality? Mondays kind of kick my butt. First, there's the "must ... get ... out ... of ... warm ... bed." In the winter, that's so difficult. I have zero desire to leave my cocoon of flannel sheets, quilt, down comforter, blanket in order to venture out into the cold, cruel world of upright wakefulness. (This is not to say that I am not naturally an early riser. I am. I just don't like to get out of bed after having woken up.)

Exhaustive (hahaha) experimentation has taught me that the number of times I can hit snooze AND still make it to my desk on time is three.  (Or, as the Holy Brother read from the Book of Armaments in Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out." Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, Danielle must turn OFF the alarm and get up, else havoc be wreaked across the her carefully planned day.)

Some days this is easier than others, because the Storm Troopers upstairs tend to keep -- how shall I say it -- erratic hours. They were up today when my alarm went off. I find it is much easier to get out of bed when it sounds like there's a military drill being conducted overhead ... and when the cat is sitting on me, staring at the ceiling in awe of the noise said military drill is generating. (I'm sure at some point the Storm Troopers will have an entire post to themselves. Further observation of them is required.)

Anyway, Mondays. If ever there was a day when I was tempted to exceed the count of three, Monday would be it. Mondays want to be a seven or eight snooze morning, but I never do it.

Or at least, I haven't done it YET.

Here's the second problem with the Monday: coffee. I tend to drink much more coffee over the weekend than I do during the week, and as I only recently got a coffee grinder, I tend to forget that I'm going to need to grind more beans when the coffee gets low. Griding coffee beans at 5:00 in the morning is appallingly loud and horrible (and I live in an apartment, so Storm Troopers or no, I don't want to be the person creating excessive amounts of noise when a rational human being should be sleeping). However, no coffee is not an option. A Monday morning quandry.  Every week, I think, I'm going to write myself a note so I don't go through this again. Every week, I forget.

Monday mornings make me feel like a fish: in school, but not learning.

When I finally go through the rest of my morning "stuff" (clothes, shower, blah blah blah) -- which takes me twice as long as it does on every other day, which I am certain is a result of some sort of Monday Space-Time Contiunuum problem because any other day I am super speedy -- and DO make it to my desk, I realize that at some point between Sunday night and Monday morning my brain has become recalibrated and I am suddenly stupid. Typing? A struggle. Formulating words? A difficulty. I stare at the computer screen and wait for the coffee to kick in so that I can reassemble myself into some sort of coherency.

Mondays. They're the opposite of festive in a glass is half empty world. And on Monday mornings, the glass is not only half empty, but also seems suspiciously dirty, as though it should have been washed, and the liquid in it looks murky and debatable.

The glass, however, will be half full later. Because as craptastic as Monday mornings do tend to be, Monday EVENINGS are filled with friends and trivia at the pub. And there my glass WILL be half full and will certainly be festive.

So take that, Mondays. You've not beaten me yet.

*I know this post's title has nothing to do, really, with the post. But it's Monday and I couldn't think of anything I liked better than that... deal with it. :)

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