Oh, Baby

In a few short months (although I'm betting that they don't feel short to my sister) I'm going to be an aunt.

I'm really excited about this, but I'm also a little ... concerned.

I don't really ... um, how to put this ... okay. There are people with whom you'd trust a baby...and then there's me, the person you would trust with your pets, your home, and perhaps your car. You need me to reorganize something in your house? On it. You want help researching automobiles? I'm your girl.

You would never ask me to babysit an infant, though...

Here's a list of baby things that I should (probably) know, but ... yeah, not so much.

1. I don't know how to change a diaper.

2. I don't know what colic is; I know you don't want your baby to have it? But ... I don't know what it is.

3. I don't know how you're supposed to put shoes on squirmy, wiggly little baby feet. (Or for that matter, how you dress them at all ... they're all bendy!)

4. I don't know how to FEED a baby. Or WHAT you feed them. Or how you know when they're done. (I also don't know how anyone can witness baby puke without then throwing up... because I can't do it. I just can't)

However, I should also point out that there are baby-related things at which I have demonstrated some skill.

1. I can shop for a baby... which means I can SPOIL a baby. I love buying baby things. Jellybean (this is obviously not what my sister is NAMING my nephew, but it's what I like to call him) already has quite the stash of presents coming from Auntie Yellie. (He's going to be a dapper fellow, this one.)

2. I can make a baby laugh. This is directly related to the fact that I have very little pride, dignity, or shame. If you hand me a crying baby? I'll hand you back a smiling baby. Whatever it takes. A funny song. A dance around the room. Five hours of peek-a-boo. (Also? I can play peek-a-boo ALL DAY LONG because it doesn't get old for me either).

3. Over the summer, I discovered I can rock a baby to sleep. (I also discovered that having a little person snuggle up and fall asleep in your arms? Ohhhhh ... meeeelllltttttts ... so freaking adorable that I can't even stand it)

Upon review of my qualifications, it seems obvious that I'm not cut out for the role of "Mom", which is going to be spectacularly played by my sister.

However, I'm pretty sure I have the role of "Auntie" wrapped up nicely.

Auntie Yellie.

It has a lovely ring to it.