An Open Letter to A Friend/ JackAss PhD

Dear Friend,

I am concerned, as you seem to be dating a complete jackass. 

I can't fault you for that, since I pretty much have a doctorate in dating jackasses. I've a Jackass PhD, earned through years of relentless research and studies. I'm not proud of it, but there it is.

However, as a result of my field studies, I would like to submit the following, on the off chance that my extensive observations and notes are helpful to you.

1. A Jackass will present himself right away.

Here's the deal: Remember your first date? You dressed up. You made sure your hair looked nice. You made sure you smelled good. You were polite. You were funny. Basically, you made sure that you were putting your BEST foot forward.

The beginning of a relationship is when you and whoever it is you're dating will treat each other better than you'll ever treat each other again. It's like living in a romance novel (it's also when people tend not to want to be around a couple, with the schmoopy and the googley eyes and the sickening laughter, but I digress).  At the start of a relationship -- while you're dating -- you should be treated EXCEPTIONALLY well.

If someone is treating you poorly while you're dating? They are NOT a good bet for the long haul. Someone who can't be bothered to be good to you while you're dating is someone whose behaviour will only worsen as time goes on ... and by allowing yourself to be treated poorly while dating, you're essentially telling said Jackass that it's TOTALLY fine with you that he's treating you like crap.

You should NEVER be fine with being treated like crap. PERIOD.

2. A Jackass enjoys making jokes at your expense

There's nothing a Jackass finds funnier than making you look dumb in front of other people, or mocking you hurtfully. Let me say here that I enjoy a joke as much as the next person (potentially more) and will poke fun at myself frequently. However, there's a difference between "I am such a doofus, listen to what I did," and a Jackass announcing in front of a group "OMG, Danielle is so fricking stoopid, listen to this!" Or mocking causes you hold dear. Or being generally rude to you in front of others.

If someone cares about you, Dear Friend, he will not find it amusing to make you the butt of the joke, or to elevate himself by knocking you low.

3. A Jackass will expect tolerance but will not extend it.

A relationship with a Jackass is very one sided. He will want you to tolerate behaviours that HE would not tolerate. He will expect that you will do things for him that he would never do for you. As an example, a Jackass may think it's completely acceptable for him to flirt excessively with another girl, but if you are talking to a gentleman, he will fly into a rage. He will always expect that he could call you for a ride at 2 AM, but he would NEVER answer your call if YOU needed a ride in the same instance, and would berate you for having the audacity to make that call.

There is no compromise in a relationship with a Jackass. There is all give (that's you) and all take (that's him) but no give AND take. Dear Friend, you have a big and generous heart. A Jackass does not appreciate that. He exploits it. This makes him unworthy of you.

4. A Jackass will pit you against the people you love

There's nothing a Jackass loves more than creating an "us against them" scenario. At first, this may seem romantic -- look, it's us! On our own little island of loooove, against the world. Rock on.

It's not romantic. It's isolating. It's a Jackass move, designed to make you rely on him at the expense of other people in your life who love you. He will ask you to choose. He will demand that you choose him. If you do, you will be cutting off the people who support you and love you... people who think you deserve more, perhaps, than being stuck on an island with a Jackass.

Because, Dear Friend, you deserve FAR more than being around someone who disrespects you, cuts you down, treats you poorly, and tries to make sure that you are forced to decide between him and the people who love you. You deserve someone who respects you. Who laughs with you and not at you. Who appreciates the other people you love, and who considers himself lucky to be one of those individuals.

The people who love you want more for you than to be the accessory of a Jackass.

Sincerely,

Danielle