Friday, July 3, 2015



"They're so sweet they make my teeth hurt. That's why I can't eat them. Like, um, oh! Cadbury Creme Eggs!"

"Blearrgh no! Gak! I hate those!"

"Seriously, you have no idea how much I love you just for that."


"He keeps saying I remind him of the blue haired fairy in the Sparkle commercials."

"Let's think about this: slightly manic? Unusual hair shade? Obsession with cleaning?"


"Yes, the comparison mystifies me as well. Doofus."


"And that's when I realized that maybe he was being a dick because, well, he is a dick."

"So the dickery wasn't aimed at you, specifically."

"Right! He just suffers from general and pervasive assholery!"


"I need to return this product."

"And the reason would be?"

"It makes me sad."

"Excuse me?"

"Looking at it makes me sad."

"So there's nothing ... Um ... Wrong with it?"


"Ooooookkkkaaaaayyyyy... I ... Um. Feeling sad upon observation of item isn't a reason I can accept a return. But, uh, I hope you feel better soon?"

"Ooooooh! Pretty dress is pretty!"

"It's purple."

"So pretty!"

"You only wear black, white, and grey, unless we're talking Chucks."

"Pre-- oh. Yeah, that's true. I would never ever wear that."

"You could try it if you wanted. You clearly like it."

"Maybe I could just get some purple socks and see how that goes."

"Baby steps."

"Purple ones."

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