Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Wait. What?

"What do you want to be doing? I'd like to help you figure it out."

"Oh. Huh. You know ... I don't know."

It's true. I have a leaning and an inkling as to what I want to do. An ish, if you will. I have things I'm interested-ish in. But when people ask me what my passion is?

Um. I like to blog. That makes me happy. Creating small pieces. I keep trying to write a novel but I honestly don't know if I have one in me. I have little snippety bits in me and not, like, character development.

I like to give advice, but it might be shitty advice. I think it's good, but of course I would -- the ideas I'm dispensing are my ideas.

I like to clean things up and organize them. But people don't necessarily love it when you reorganize their stuff. Mostly I like to clean my stuff, anyway; this is likely because none of my stuff is ever that dirty.

Please note that none of the above could be described as career paths. They're just a conglomeration of things. It's like the world's most random list.

This should probably make me sad, but it kind of doesn't -- not having a set path means that the world is fully of possibility, and that I can take the time to carefully consider all of my options.

I realized today that one of the worst things I could do right now is make a hasty, ship-jumping decision. Not loving where you are in life is hardly the most harmful, dreadful thing that ever happened to a person.

It's like this: I know how to do what I'm doing. There's value in that. I am also learning some things about myself, obviously -- how I want to be treated. How to treat other people. How to let things roll off of me instead of exploding into a giant green stress monster. (Okay. I'm still working on that last bit.)

Zooming right from this thing that doesn't make me super happy into something else that isn't the right fit would be a mistake, because it would mean that I didn't take the time to really consider what I want. I just made the leap into the next thing. I've done this before, and it's not worked out so well (after all, there's a reason I ended up here, hello); this time? If I'm going to make a change I want it to be thoughtful.

I'd like to be more thoughtful, period.

So. I will wait.

I will ask myself what: what do you want? What would make you happy? What do you need?

I think the answers will come.

No comments:

Post a Comment