I had a sudden epiphany yesterday. While I realize that for me, “sudden epiphany” frequently equals “was slapped in the face with the most blatantly obvious facts that I had been ignoring,” it was powerful nonetheless, and it was simply this:
The person who was causing me so much grief and drama and ugly snorking crying last week? Has been doing it because we’re exactly alike.
Well, that might not be precisely true. For example, I wouldn’t punish someone for acting like me. I wouldn’t model one kind of behavior and expect an entirely different one from other people. I don’t think that I would make someone feel badly and as though they’ve failed for doing exactly the same things I do myself and then CONTINUE TO DO THOSE THINGS until the person I called out began to question her own sanity.
I wouldn’t do that. So maybe we’re not exactly alike.
But we’re alike in a lot of ways. We usually get along incredibly well, so this last – whatever it is – was doubly surprising and hurtful, especially when I realized that we do the same things with the same results, except of course for the part where I am being held out as an example and he continues on his merry way.
I’m thinking that this has been/ is/ will be an opportunity to learn something. But right now, all I keep thinking is: it’s not entirely me. It’s ALSO you. And until you realize that or care about it? None of this will matter. None.
Except as a lesson to me as to how not to behave.
I think I’ve got that one down.